After days of backbreaking research, I have compiled a list of the 6 Most Annoying TV People In The World. These are people that you should avoid like paying child support.
#6 - People Who Brag About Reading Spoilers. First of all, people who read spoilers should be on this list, but even worse are the people that brag about knowing what’s coming up on a show. I know first hand, as my wife must read what’s going to happen on Heroes and Lost. I can understand that some people still have a 3 year old’s mentality when dealing with surprises, but nothing is worse than when they start rubbing it in your face. Like something exciting will happen on Lost and right away my wife chimes in with “Oh, I knew that was going to happen weeks ago.” Then I remind her that I see a messy divorce and a deadbeat Dad in her future if she keeps it up. If you know anybody like this, do what Bob Saget suggests and “Just Shoot Them!”
#5 - Characters Added To Shows To Boost Ratings. The Olivers and Olivia’s are widely recognized, but let’s look at a few other people added to shows to boost ratings. You have Jo on The Real World, who replaced Puck. MTV booted Puck in order to create a buzz in Australia with Jo, the rugged Aussie with a creepy boyfriend. The Muppet Babies added Bean Bunny to help spice up the nursery. The creators opted to add another talking animal, instead of demasking the animal en-slaver Nanny. Also, under this umbrella would be Comet, who helped save Full House from an early grave. Comet was the glue that held the otherwise fragile cast together with his kindness and sharp wit. Finally, I would submit that Sandy Duncan, glass eye and all, turned the Hogan Family from a meandering, plotless comedy into a edge of your seat family show that truly showed how a pilot’s sister living in the gender biased decade of the 80’s could help raise a family, while sheltering them from an evil man named Burt.
#4 - Ted on “How I Met Your Mother.” I love this show, I mean it’s the only show on CBS that I watch. I think for the most part it’s well written and having two very attractive girls on the show helps tremendously, but as I’ve stated before on this website, I hate Ted. I’m sure Josh Radnor is a decent human being. I’m sure I don’t need to create a Venn Diagram comparing him to Stalin, but his character sucks. The writers over at CBS try to hard to make him a lovable, sympathetic character. I’m sure that they sat down at some sort of round table and said “Let’s make a male character that women would love. He should be cute, sweet, sensitive, funny (not edgy funny like Daniel Tosh, but non-offensive funny like Margaret Cho.) To top it off we’ll make him successful. That’s how they ended up with Ted. Ted is the type of guy that guys claim to be, but really aren’t. Ted would be disgusted by German adult sites, whereas the rest of us are just curious. I’m sure to all the lovely ladies out there dead is great, but to the guys in this world, he’s #4 on the most annoying list.
#3 - Whoever Decided To Kill Mitch Off on Dawson’s Creek. This poor guy has his wife cheat on him, a child with a super-sized melon and vocabulary, a mid-life crisis job change and a neighbor from across the Creek, who was undoubtedly ruining his siding by slamming a ladder up against the house every day because like the brothers Duke, she had to use a window and not a door to enter, and then they decide to kill him off. It reeks of Old Yeller being brought out back to stare down the wrong end of the barrel of a shotgun. They couldn’t even let him go with dignity, as he’s reaching around the floor of his Wrangler. Mitch deserved better. The viewing audience deserved better. For shame! Writers of Dawsons Creek!
#2 - Tori From Saved By The Bell. Hurricane Tori came in and ruined Bayside High. She wiped Kelly and Jesse off the map. Her way to obvious Jo Polniaczek imitation scam was as clear as 1990’s Pepsi. Her rough exterior and sweet, afraid of earthquakes and commitment exterior may have fooled a gentleman by the name of Zak Morris, but I know better. The most interesting part of Tori’s Reign Of Terror was that they never make any mention of her in the college years. Rather bizarre. I personally believe that she is mainly responsible for the downfall of the cult classic. Who knows, without Tori’s appearance, we may still be enjoying the antics of Zak, Slater and the rest of the gang. But, like trans-fat foods, we can no longer enjoy them. Thank you very much Tori!
#1 - TV Show Fanatics. Here I’m talking about the fans of a show that take it to cult level. I’ll admit that I fall into this category with The Simpsons. Fans like this are worse to talk to than the Spoiler Braggers. Why? I know that when people talk about The Simpsons, I always have to ask a test question to see if they’re “conversation” worthy. One question I like to throw out there is “What’s the white cop’s name?” If you don’t say Eddie, you can forget about talking to me. But there are lots of jerks out there like me. You have Lost jerks, Heroes jerks, The Office jerks, Buffy jerks and even Swan’s Crossing jerks!
The reason you want to stay away from these people is that you can’t go “quote for quote” with them, or they’ll get mad at you when you don’t see subtle references. “What ya’ mean you didn’t see the smashed ambulance outside of the gorge in the movie?” However, you’re in luck because these people are easy to spot. They tend to wear clothing inspired by the store and are very pale because their TV viewing doesn’t allow them to get out in the sun much. Basically, if you see a guy that looks like Powder wearing a Duff TV shirt, don’t go asking him if he saw the Simpsons movie, because chances are that he bought the script and has memorized which side characters were left out. People like this need to get a life.
So this is my list of the Most TV People. Who did I get right? Who did I leave off? It’s up for you to decide America!
