So being this almighty, heavily esteemed blogger, TV Guide emailed some article they did about the 13 hottest stars.  Well, I’ll break down this list that even Stephen Hawking called: “Damn near thought provoking!”

#13 Meaghan Martin.  She’s on some Disney show called Camp Rock.  Basically she looks like the love child of Kristen Chenoweth and Kevin Bacon.

#12 Mitchel Musso “Hey look, I have long hair, but your parents will trust me because I’m a safe guy.  But really, I listen to punk music and talk about how the “system sucks.”

#11 David Henrie.  I’m on How I Met Your Mother.  If you took Screech and time traveled him to this decade, and gave him normal clothes, then you’d know who I am.  Also, I’m a big fan of backwards hats, because they show the girls that I don’t abide by societies or country club rules.

#10 Jordan Pruitt.  She’s a spokesman for Limited Too!  What does that entail exactly?  Pointing out that they have the widest selection of jelly bracelets and mini shorts that say “Juicy” on them this side of Claires?

#9 Ali Lohan.  Don’t worry Ali, Betty Ford is making a bed for you as we speak.

#8 Alyson Stoner.  No idea, who this pre-teen queen is, but with a name like Stoner, she’s going to have some rough rhymes to deal with from the Disney set bullies.

#7 Emma Roberts.  Julia’s niece.  Wow, its a younger just as cute version of her aunt, except she hasn’t been tainted by Lyle Lovett.

#6 Dylan and Cody Sprouse. The stars of Zach and Cody.  You know how you know that these two clowns aren’t going anywhere?  People magazine lumped them in together like a pair of siamese twins.  So really, if you add it up, its like having two 12s or one Webster.

#5 Brenda Song. Also on Zach and Cody, but she gets her own spot by herself.  Maybe they could’ve put somebody else with her like that baby that did the Quiznos ads.

#4  Emily Omset. Call up Alicia Silverstone and ask her how to avoid turning off of Fame Boulevard and down Obscurity Lane.

#3 Miranda Cosgrove. A Nick star that acts and sings?  Thanks Jennifer Lopez for inspiring so many young girls that they can do lots of things poorly instead of one thing very well.

#2 Demi Lovato. Hey, if looking like Fran Drescher’s kid will make you a star, then she’s good to go!

#1 Selena Gomez. They’re pegging her as the next Miley Cyrus.  That’s fine, but how come no one ever gets pegged as the next Kimmie Gibbler?  Rather unfair if you ask me.

So that’s my tyrade against kids who can’t drive in Hollywood.  I wouldn’t know have these kids if I tripped over them while cutting in line for the Magic Tea Cups at Disney, but oh well.  Feel free to slander these whipper snappers too!