-David Cook won and thus begins a horrible stretch of summer television. Which actually started on Idol when ZZ Top appeared. Was Ratt booked last night or something? Gees, you think you could get somebody a little more current. Archuletta gets to sing with OneRepublic and Cook gets stuck with a 80s gimmick band. Is Dishwala still around? They would’ve been better than those dudes.
-This has nothing to do with television, but I just thought I’d let you know that I really want, no wait, NEED the new 3G IPhone. I just got an LG Vu, which is essentially an IPhoney. I love touch screen Internet in the car. I’m not ashamed to say that I was on Facebook, driving 70mph on the Merritt Parkway.
As good as it was, it just isn’t an IPhone. Hence, I’ll flip the Vu on Ebay towards a new IPhone. Damn you Steve Jobs and your sexy technology!
American Idol went WAY overboard on the boxing references. It all started with Michael Buffer doing the “This is American Idol” intro and then throughout the episode we get tons of Jim Lampley. Jim Lampley does not belong on American Idol. Although, I was hoping for a Simpsons tie in and having Drederick Tatum on there. Jim Lampley spewing out cliche boxing advice on a singing show is like having Barry Gibb telling people how Oscar De La Hoya should be more soothing and mellow.
The other awful thing is that Clive Davis and Andrew Lloyd Webber (as brilliant as they are) look like two creepy old dudes that hang out at a Hot Topic. Is it possible to cast someone other than Lampley and the two old dudes from the Muppets on the most current and hip TV show? How about Bono, Jay-Z or one of the Wiggles?
Overall, sticking with the boxing metaphor, I want to punch Archuletta and his “Oh, am I really good? Are you sure?” attitude and will some one get some scientists to see if we can shrink down the size of Cook’s enormous noodle? Gees, that thing has its own gravitational pull. It’s larger than half of Jupiters moons.
I hope Cook gets the title, but something tells me Runts McGee is gonna win.
So Idol is down to David Archuletta vs David Cook. A great combo, no doubt, but I have some other David vs Davids that could possibly be better than that.
David Hasselhoff vs David Hyde Pierce
The Battle For Afeminate Idol
Pierce will put up a good fight, but when all is said and done and the Hoff is half naked eating on the floor, the true winner will emerge.
David Brenner vs David Alan Grier
The Battle For Irrelevant Comic Idol
While your gut tells you to go with Grier, because after In Living Color, he hasn’t done a thing, most people haven’t heard of David Brenner, and if they catch his standup, they surely wish they hadn’t.
David Bowie vs David Beckman
British Idol
Although Bowie is in himself a music revolution, Becks gets it simply on the merit of having a drop dead gorgeous wife, with Posh Spice. Plus, no one wants to bend it like Bowie.
David Copperfield vs David Duchovny
Biggest Toolbox Idol
Tough call here. I mean Copperfield says things like “Ta-da” and “Shhh….it’s magic.” But Duchovny is merely “that dude from X-Files.” My heart says Copperfield, but I once saw him make the Statue of Liberty disappear. The only thing Duchovny has made disappear is his career! ZING!
David Letterman vs David (Davey) Crockett
Complete Non-Sense Idol
This one makes no sense at all, but is merely a poor effort on my part of googling the name David. I’d give it to Crockett as I probably would find him far less annoying.
So can you think of a better American Idol Matchup Than David vs David?
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