The Sharper Image went belly up today. That’s right, the Sharper Image is bankrupt. I for one am terribly upset. You see, I’ve been saving up for that life sized Storm Trooper for about 2 years now and with Sharper Image closing, my only chance of scoring one will be in 2 years when all of the left over merchandise fills up the glorious shelves that dwell within the bargain mecca Odd Lots.
I do wonder where Shaper Image’s low self-esteem customers with the insatiable need to impress others will end up shopping. Brookstone is still around, but after that its hard times for the empty soul adults with big bank accounts. Here’s my advise for you all, grab an allen wrench and meet me at Ikea!
Have you ever noticed that there is a stark difference between people who prefer movies over television for their prime source of entertainment? Well if you haven’t, let me break down the two.
ARROGANCE
Movie watchers, by nature are a far more arrogant clan. You may think that statement is rather bold or even derogatory, but it’s true. How do I know this? The MW’s favorite question in life, the question that really defines their existence is: “Have you ever seen (insert movie title, I for one prefer Short Circuit)?”. Why do they love this question? Because chances are you haven’t seen the 1950’s black and white Bulgarian film they’re referring to. You rarely hear a TV watcher say “Have you ever seen Amen? That was a great show.” No you don’t. Unlike MWs, we aren’t jerks.
SCARFS
I don’t have any hard statistical data on this, but there is a significant gap in the amount of scarfs each group wears. In a poll I just made up for this post, Movie Watchers are 73.4 percent more likely to wear scarfs as well as order a Mike’s Hard Lemonade. I’m not a scarfatologist, but there’s something shady about sitting in the dark with a bunch of scarf wearing dudes that doesn’t sit right with me. Again, when’s the last time you heard someone say “Hey honey, Friday Night Lights is on, grab my scarf, it’s getting rather chilly between my head and torso!”
CHOICE OF FOOD
This is a tell tale sign of the intelligence gap between the two. TV people prefer staple foods like chips, pretzels, Wheat Thins and occasionally to class things up a bit, Triscuits. Movie watchers, however hard they try to impress you feature a diet of Sour Patch Kids, Goobers and Snowcaps. The funny thing about these people is that they only purchase these foods in the safe and forgiving confines of the theater. Ever see anybody in the last 8 years eat Snowcaps outside of a movie theater? You haven’t, because movie watchers don’t have the onions to make a stand and eat them outside of their safe haven.
CLOSING
This may be the most ridiculous and poorly put together post in a long time on this site. But hopefully you now have a better sense of who movie and TV watchers are. Feel free to comment, but I don’t want anyone to start lying that they eat snowcaps outside of the theater, because it’s just a fat lie!
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